You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
