His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
