Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
