They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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