Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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