So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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