The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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