Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
