Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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