I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
