Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
