I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
