Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
