Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
