this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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