I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
