9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
