If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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