you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
