chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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