How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
