Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize