Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize