Someone shit on the floor
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
