I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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