I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
