I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
