Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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