Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
