So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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