Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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