hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize