I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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