like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
