I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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