Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize