mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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