So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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