oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
