can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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