why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
