I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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