can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize