So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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