he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
