I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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