it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
