I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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