mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
