failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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