I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
