Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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