I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
