It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
