Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
