It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
