I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My vagina is officially offended.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
