cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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