I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
