thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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