I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
