let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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