At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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