last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
