ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish i was in the wii world.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
