Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
