She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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