she smelled like a LAN party
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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