Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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