Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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