dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
