Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
