He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
