i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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