the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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