I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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